maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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