i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize