i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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