Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
