The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
