i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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