you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
