youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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