I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
