Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
