So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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