margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
