Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
