I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My cat gives me a boner
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
