ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
