The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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