So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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