butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i will never coherently bang her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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