Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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