If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
