I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
