Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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