did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
