You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
