hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
