im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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