i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
