i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
