mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
