if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
