I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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