Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Sponge bath it is.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
