chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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