I wish I could punch you in the face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
