I am puke
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
