i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
