At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
being pregnant is like rehab
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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