On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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