names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
