when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
