Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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