im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
