I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
