first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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