i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
