Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
