so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
