I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
