cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
