Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
