great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
