I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
