I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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