This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
