i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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