You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
