Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
