Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
