did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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