Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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