I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I will be naked everywhere
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
