Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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