Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
