are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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