Having a random hookup so left but love u
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
