my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
