Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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