I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
