We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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