Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
