Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
