she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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